The Edge

Competitive sport at the highest level is all about finding the edge. How far you can push your limits, how close can you get to that line, without falling over into a world of injury and breakdown. That perfect spot, where boundaries are tested but you’re still standing upright - that’s where magic happens. If you don’t take risks and teeter on the edge, you’ll always be safe, but you’ll probably never achieve greatness. The edge is always changing, and is different for each person. Sport is evolving. Bodies are unpredictable. Circumstances and surroundings are dynamic and often out of your control. This is what makes competitive sport a beautiful, frustrating, demanding, and adventurous pursuit. 

What happens when you fall over the edge? Let me tell you, it’s damn hard to get back to the top. Climbing all the way up to try again, without being sure if you’ll ever get it right. Success is never certain, and you are entitled to nothing. You learn so many things along the way. Finding different routes to the top, and building a team of people to support the long journey. The most difficult part is trying to keep a positive attitude when it can seem like an endless and sometimes hopeless mission. 

I’ve fallen over the edge this year. I saw glimpses of progress with a top 8 finish at the London WTS event in May. But I pushed myself too far, excited by my step forward and craving more. I developed a knee injury which led to foot injury on the opposite side, probably through compensating and trying to train through the knee problem. I cannot make this mistake anymore, which is why I decided not to race in Edmonton, and I won’t line up in Chicago at the World Championships this week. Instead, I’m going home to Canada for a scope on my knee, I’ll get healthy, start from the ground and work my way back up once again. I also made a recent coaching change. Siri Lindley is a remarkable person. Her positivity and determination was what I needed this past year. She brought me back from one of the lowest points of my career, made me believe in myself again, and gave me the courage to take charge of my own path. I’m so grateful to have had the opportunity to learn from Siri, a champion in so many ways. Siri gave me exactly what I needed, but now I need something different. Sometimes change is a good thing, and after a frustrating season I want to give myself the best chance of lining up in Rio next summer. 

So here we go, a journey back to the top, with more tools in my toolbox, some new support around me, with a refreshed and motivated mindset. I’m in no rush but I also don’t have time to waste. Why do I keep doing this crazy sport? Because it would kill me to quit now and live with regret, knowing that I have it inside me to do great things. I love pushing my boundaries, getting close to the edge, trying to be the best that I can be. No matter how many times I get knocked down, the fire still burns, and I’ll keep fighting. 

A giant thanks to everyone who's been a part of my 2015 season: Siri, Erin Carson, Byron Thomas, Mark Plaatjes, Libby Burrell, Sue Lott, Paddy McCluskey, my FABULOUS training partners, mom & dad, and to Nike, Scott and ROKA for sticking by my side. 

Cheers and thanks for reading. 

PF 

Stand Up Eight.

To be completely honest, I was ready to stay lying flat on my face after about the 100^th fall. But I decided to pick myself back up for the 101^st time, and I’m so glad I did. I’m not really sure what kept driving me to get back up after each setback that I’ve had. My frustration and sadness far outweighed any desire I had to continue training. But for some unknown reason, I kept getting back up, and giving it another try.

After my most recent injury, a pelvic stress fracture diagnosed in May,  I contacted Siri Lindley to ask if she would be interested in having me join her squad. One last try, I thought to myself. I was going out of my comfort zone and straying from the advice of a few people by packing my bags and coming down to train in Boulder. But I knew the second that I spoke with her that if anyone was going to get me back to racing, and loving the process, she was the one. Thankfully, she was willing to take on this disaster! 

It has been such an overwhelmingly positive change, I can’t even begin to describe it. My spark is reignited, her intense passion for the sport and for each of her athletes is contagious, and she makes me excited to train every single day. I started progressing my running on the AlterG treadmill as soon as I got to Boulder, and we’ve been successfully managing my comeback ever since.

I raced at the World Championships in Edmonton a few weeks ago, after only about 3 weeks of running on the ground, and it went much better than I expected. I had a great swim and bike, up with the lead pack, which is not easy especially after a long time away from that level of racing. My run was about where I expected with minimal training, and my first 10k in almost 2 years! I finished in 15^th place, which is not something I would usually be celebrating, but I crossed the line feeling like I’d just won the race. It was a huge step for me. I was healthy, happy, and racing like I belonged in there, all in front of a hometown crowd. There's nothing better - (except actually winning). 

A week later I raced in Las Vegas at the Super Sprint Grand Prix triathlon. It was a unique format of 2 mini-triathlons back-to-back, in a pool and on a fast 1km loop course, with heats in the morning and finals under the lights at night. Unfortunately I got sick the night before the race with a massive sore throat and cold. The prelims went well and I was going into the final with the fastest time, but my body was pretty run-down by 8pm that evening, and I felt terrible diving in for the final. I tried to pretend that I was feeling fine, but 6th place was my best on the day, which wasn't too bad after all! It was an incredible experience racing in the middle of Las Vegas under a dark sky. 

I'm back in Boulder now, continuing to build up my running and getting ready for 2 more World Cup races in October. I know the season is over for many, but I feel like mine has just begun. I'm encouraged by my recent results, and my confidence is slowly coming back. Sometimes you need someone to tell you that you're doing freaking awesome... and Siri is really good at that. Being in a happy place is the most important thing, I've realized, and with that, great racing will come. 

Thanks to everyone who is still following my journey, and especially to Triathlon Canada, Nike, and Specialized who have continued to support me through the rough times. It's so refreshing to write a blog post reporting good news, and I truly believe that the best is yet to come. 

PF 

Thanks to Jordan Bryden, Slowtwich, Nils Nilsen, and Jeremy Brown for the photos. 

Update

When I crossed the line at the New Plymouth World Cup in March, I had an extremely intense pain high in my adductor. I could not walk without limping, and thought that I had probably strained a muscle. Frustrating, since my training had been rolling along nicely. I started slowly running about 4 weeks later, convincing myself that the pain was decreasing, but in reality is was a stabbing pain with every step.  I had an MRI to confirm the diagnosis, and the scans showed that I actually have a stress fracture in my pelvis. It never even crossed my mind that this could be a bone injury. Before the scan, I stupidly ran 10k around Elk Lake when my pelvis was screaming to my brain “STOPPP I’M BROKEN DOWN HERE!”. Athlete minds are pretty powerful when it comes to ignoring these screaming signals of discomfort. This can be a great tool in the middle of hard training sessions or races, but in this particular case I was ignoring my fractured pelvis telling me to stop pounding on it. Not awesome.

In the midst of this disaster my coach Joel Filliol parted ways with me. Fortunately I’m in Victoria where I have a smart team of people who are helping me though my obstacles. I’m really grateful for having the opportunity to work with Joel over the past few years, I’ve learned so much from him and the amazing athletes in his squad. I’ll really, really miss it.

So, I’m in a pretty rotten situation. Not that this is new to me, I have lots of practice dealing with setbacks. I feel like I've posted a similar blog about 16 times now. I've cried all the tears out my body, so I’m left to figure out logically what to do next.  A few people have questioned my motivation and enjoyment of the sport. Sometimes it's freaking hard to find enjoyment in the day-to-day environment when struggling with a stubborn injury, or not seeing fitness return as quickly as you want it to. I read a great tweet the other day:

I've been out on my bike recently with no clear timeline of when I’ll be able to race again, but still loving it. I do enjoy the day-to-day process. I have no lack of motivation. Actually, I'm more motivated than ever. It felt so good to toe the line at some early-season races, and it made me hungry for more. Sometimes being an athlete is more frustrating than other times, but I can honestly say that I love it. That’s primarily why I continue stick with this when the light at the end of the tunnel is seemingly so far away. I know it’s there somewhere. Bones heal. I believe I can do it, and most importantly, I’m happy doing it. I'm determined not to let these setbacks derail my whole season, or my whole career. 

On a positive note, here are some fun things I've been doing over the past few months. Thanks for still reading my bad-news blog, I promise I'll be back posting race reports eventually!

PF

Shawnigan Lake 

Underwater treadmill running 

Swimming in 12 degrees C

Breakfast with Mark Cavendish (kind of) 

Riding in the Specialized wind tunnel 

Riding in the sunshine 

Riding on the ferry

Vitamin D

Visits from the other red-headed Findlay 

Dog sitting this guy 

A Reminder to Myself, Mostly.

I was out for dinner with my friends when the Auckland WTS race was going on. Refreshing my twitter feed every 1.5 seconds, checking the live results, nervous, anxious, palms sweating, and ultimately being a really bad dinner guest.

When the race was over, I was overwhelmingly envious. Longing for the times when I was in the mix and so jealous of everyone who had raced well. One of my friends (in the picture below), a medical student who is familiar with a competitive environment of high achievers, sensed my jealousy and told me something VERY important.

You have to be happy when other people are happy.

If we are constantly jealous of others, we will never be happy. We need be motivated and encouraged by the success of others instead of loathing it. Most people probably do this already, but it certainly does not come naturally to me. My first instinct is to think, “UGH, I wish it was me”!

So, I’ve decided to work really hard at this. It’s definitely not easy, but I can honestly say that it’s making me happier. Other people’s successes do not take away from my own, and they can be used as motivation to achieve my own lofty goals. Whether this is in sport, or in school, or just in every day life, I’ve realized that jealousy doesn’t serve anyone well. 

Take joy in other people’s accomplishments. Use them to inspire you. It’s simple, but maybe the best advice I’ve ever had.

PF  

"Reciprocal Inspiration"

Two of my biggest mentors in sport are Simon Whitfield and Adam van Koeverden. They have 6 Olympic medals between the two of them, along with countless other incredible achievements. Adam wrote the forward for Simon’s book: Simon Says Gold. In it, he coins the phrase “reciprocal inspiration”, and describes it as this:

“When one person’s accomplishments live on and encourage more people to believe in themselves and accomplish their own goals. As I see it, there are three incredible features of this phenomenon: it doesn’t expire, it can be shared among an unlimited number of people and it has the capacity to cross genres and disciplines”.

Simon was inspired watching the men’s 8 crew win gold at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, and soon after won a silver medal in triathlon. Adam was inspired watching Simon's thrilling sprint to a silver medal, and went on to win a medal in kayaking. Reciprocal inspiration.

I’ve been thinking lots about this idea during the past 2 weeks as the Canadian team competed in Sochi. Watching sports that I can’t necessarily relate to. Bobsledding, figure skating and ski jumping have few similarities to triathlon. However, we share a common goal in achieving the Olympic dream, pushing ourselves to the limit, and ultimately being the best in the world at something. I feed off of the success and determination of others, especially when I’m feeling tired, slow, or unmotivated. Training beside an Olympian, watching someone win an Olympic medal, hearing about someone's epic training session - those things fuel me.

The definition of reciprocal is “given by each side”.  I only hope that some day I can return my end of the deal, inspiring others as much as I draw inspiration from all of these superstars.

Bravo winter Olympians. The Dufour-Lapointe sisters, Denny Morrison, Alex Bilodeau, Roz Groenewoud, both hockey teams… there are way too many to name. I look up to you and you were incredible to watch. Thanks for fueling my fire. 

Thumbs up! 

PF

New Year

“It’s a long way where we’re going”.

-5 year old me, on a 12 hour road trip.

Back in 1994, we didn’t have iPods or laptops to entertain ourselves on long road trips, so we spent hours whining and sleeping and counting cows. It felt like we might never get there. "It's a long way where we're going" was my world famous tagline.

I’ve said this same thing to myself many times this past year as I’ve been building back into racing shape. Trying to be like I used to be, do what I used to do, and feel like I used to feel.

My season started last year with winning a small Continental Cup race in Florida. I found some relief and confidence in myself with my first win in nearly 2 years, but I certainly didn’t anticipate that this would be the only race of my season. I wanted that to be the kick-off for bigger and better things. I didn’t expect another roadblock, a season plagued with injury, sitting on the sidelines.

Consistency, confidence and competition. Those are 3 things that I’d like to achieve in 2014, in that order. Each one must come before the other. I need to train consistently to gain confidence in myself so that I can compete to my ability. If I can achieve all of these things, I’ll be a giant step ahead of where I was in 2013.

Sometimes I forget the underlying reason why I do triathlons in the first place. I’ve never thought of it as a career, or as something that I had to do. I trained and competed because I loved pushing myself, challenging myself, and being the best I could be. This translated into success, which made me love it even more. This past year I’ve sometimes lost touch with this true love for the sport. I’ve been battling with a body that seemingly doesn’t want to get healthy or be fast, so frustration overtakes the passion I had for being my best. 

Through these rough patches, I find strength and inspiration in other athletes, in particular those who have gone through injury spells and returned to greatness. It has been done, many times. I’m living vicariously through the winter athletes preparing for Sochi, sensing the excitement and pressure during the build up that I felt 2 short years ago. I truly don’t know if I’ll ever get back to where I was in 2011, but one thing is for certain: it’s a long way where we’re going. It won’t be an easy journey, but nothing worthwhile is ever quick and easy.

I’m heading to New Zealand this month to join Joel and my training partners as a new season begins. I just finished a refreshing semester at University, recharging my brain, returning to good health, being with friends and family, and preparing myself for the year ahead.

Here’s to a 2014 of achieving goals, being patient, and embracing the process of becoming better. Long roads are usually worth the trip, because they take you somewhere great. 

PF 

Well isn't this the nicest thing ever!