I’ve had this quote on my computer desktop for the past 6 months, and because I spend way too much time on my laptop, it’s engraved into my brain. It was my mantra when the going got tough, and believe me, the going got pretty darn tough. A simple but important reminder to ignore the noise, stay positive and just keep on truckin’ through all the roadblocks.

Getting to the start line on August 4^th was a feat in itself. Injuries, appeals, coaching changes, politics, and a less than ideal time frame to get into race shape. Despite all this, I wasn’t headed to the Olympics just to participate and call myself an Olympian. I wanted to be on the podium. I was aware that my chances of accomplishing this were significantly lower after my difficult year, but it never lessened my desire to be the best. I lined up against 54 of the worlds fastest triathletes wanting to beat them, and believing that maybe I could. If I didn’t believe that it could happen, then there’s no way it was going to happen. (Yeah I know, it didn’t happen).

I had a fairly solid 8 weeks of training behind me and was feeling fit. My injury was gone and I was running more consistently than ever. What I didn’t anticipate was that the lack of race-specific experience would really hit me hard. I started the swim feeling good, thinking that I was in okay position, but after getting trampled at the first turn buoy there was a sea of girls in front of me. I didn’t lose hope, this has happened before in races that I’ve won, but it’s not a good feeling to know I’m not up where I need to be. I came out of the water well back of the leaders, got on my bike to chase and had no power in my legs. I worked with a few other girls to catch the pack in front of us, but we couldn't. I contemplated pulling out of the race several times on the bike and it felt like the longest ride I’ve ever done in my life. It’s a big mental challenge to stay in the game when you’re so far out of the game it’s not even funny. I came off the bike to a similar wobbly, powerless feeling, and stumbled my way around the first lap. I pulled off to our team doctor, crying that there was no way I could physically finish 3 more. He encouraged me pull myself together and finish if I could, I’d be more satisfied with crossing the line than not. So I ran 3 of the most painful, embarrassing laps ever, being lapped by the race that I was supposed to be a contender in, humiliated and screaming at myself inside. It was the Canada flags along the course, my family in the stands, and the roaring crowd that pulled me along to the finish line. 

An enormous thank you to coach Jon Brown, physio Marilyn Adams, massage therapist Kim Ward and the one and only Simon Whitfield who were my amazing little team for the past few months. I couldn’t have got to the start line without the huge efforts from each of you. Thanks to Triathlon Canada and Own The Podium who made sure I had all the resources I needed to get to London. And finally thanks to my wonderful family and friends who came to London to support me. Check out this awesome crew!

The outpouring of support has been touching and overwhelming, and I appreciate it more than you know. My race aside, the Olympics were an incredible experience. I’m so inspired by our Canadian team. What a bunch of champions and I’m honoured to have been a part of it all.

I need to make some changes and I’m not entirely sure what the next few months have in store for me. I think I’ll keep that quote on my laptop for now. Never give up, finish what you start, and keep on believing.

Thanks a million to you all.

Paula

Happy Canada Day!

With the Olympics less than a month away this day seems even more special this year. It’s exciting to see everyone celebrating this awesome country that we're fortunate to call home. It truly is the best place on earth and I can’t wait to wear the maple leaf when I line up to race next month. 

Training is going great right now and I’m in a good mindset. As always there’s outside noise and politics and distractions, but I’m keeping my blinders on and just doing a good job in training every single day. It’s been a crazy few months, but I have a smart and supportive group of people who I trust and who have my back. Regardless of what’s going on around me, I’m confident that I’m doing everything I can to be the best I can be. And that's all I can do. 

So cheers to my fellow Canadians! Have a happy, patriotic day, and keep your Canada Flags handy. You're gonna need them in a few short weeks when we’ll all be waving them high and proud once again. 

Go Canada. 

Give Your Everything

The COC has been releasing videos over the past few months showcasing some of Canada’s athletes on the road to London. Here’s mine. Thanks to the COC for creating these awesome clips. A tiny glimpse into what we do every day and are so fortunate to call a “job”.

On the Up

I just got home from a 2-week trip to Hamilton with Simon, his coach Jon and physio Marilyn. Not a common destination for triathlon training but it was the perfect opportunity for me to get consistent treatment from Marilyn and continue a good run progression with Jon. I’ve seen more forward progress in the past 3 weeks than I have since February and I’m slowly regaining hope that maybe everything will come together in time for August. Hamilton was a surprisingly wonderful place to train. The McMaster swim team was very welcoming, the roads were perfect and the trails were endless. Who knew, Ontario?! I’m impressed. 

Before this trip I was on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I was upset and frustrated as the Olympic countdown clock was ticking fast and my body was not cooperating. I spent time in Vancouver getting intense treatment and “rebuilding” myself so that I could stay injury-free, but this left me with some gaps in my training. Thankfully everything is finally coming together with a smarter build back to running and constant treatment from my super physios. 

I’m really excited to have Lauren as my training partner for the next few months. She has graciously offered to be by my side for every workout and training camp leading up to the Olympics. I couldn’t ask for a more positive, hard-working, happy, experienced friend to support me. She’s always been one of my favorite people to train with and I’m so glad to have her help.

I’ve come to accept that things aren't quite ideal for me leading into an Olympic Games. But then again, maybe they actually are. I haven’t had to rush into any races or anything so I’m feeling really fresh! (That’s a positive spin on “kinda unfit and ready to start working hard because I’m losing my mind”). I’m a bit more relaxed heading into London because I can only do what I can do with the time I have left. No one will really know where I’m at, not even me! So maybe I can be the underdog again. My favourite. 


Feelin' happy, healthy and … fresh! 

Rock on. 

What's Up

After a solid 6-week training camp in Maui to kick off 2012, I came home feeling fit and excited to get the New Year under way. This was rather short lived when I started having some recurring hip pain a few weeks later. I didn’t panic, as I was able to manage it through the fall and it was feeling completely better. I left for Australia in early March thinking that some warm weather and daily treatment would clear things up and I could start my season as planned.

Well, things didn’t go exactly as planned. Frustrated and fed up and after a few too many tears, I went to Brisbane to see an orthopedic hip specialist and have another MRI (after having 2 un-notable ones last fall). The doctor found a small labral tear on my right hip. I sat in his office shocked, scared, and somewhat relieved to finally have a diagnosis. I'm frustrated that this was not discovered 8 months ago, but the abnormality is so subtle that it is difficult to pick up on an MRI. I had 2 options, neither desirable, and both with the ultimate goal of being fit on the start line in August. Labral tears do not heal on their own so the obvious solution is to have surgery and hope to be back to somewhat normal running in 2 months. The other option is to manage the pain and inflammation with cortisone in my hip joint, anti-inflammatory meds, icing and treatment. Surgery is so risky at this point and it would be a rush to get fit in time for the Olympics, so I decided to go down the “management” road. It feels a lot better when the inflammation is controlled, and I did have a good block of training in the fall/January, so I’m optimistic that this will work.

Right now Sydney is out of the plan, and I’m taking things day by day. I had a cortisone shot last week and it seems to really be working, I can run pain free. Now I don’t know how long it will last, or if it will even be a solution, but I’ve decided that part of this battle is mental. I need to believe it will work and be really smart about my training and decision making over the next 15 weeks.

I’ve been debating whether or not to share these details. When I’m injured, I usually want to keep it a secret and hide away from the world. But injuries are one of the realities of being an athlete and I’d rather be honest than pretend like everything is a-okay. I also understand that cortisone injections are controversial, and believe me, I don’t want to be in a wheel chair in 5 years just so that I can go to the Olympic Games when I’m 22. But I can’t worry too much about what other people are thinking, and I need to trust the team of people who are helping me through this. It’s just a little (ok.. giant, enormous, annoying) curveball that’s been thrown at me. IDEAL timing, right?

Someone sent me a reassuring email a few days ago.

“Get some relief and comfort in having a diagnosis, knowing that it is treatable and NOT a crippling, life-long problem, and that it is absolutely nothing that can prevent you from competing in London.

Life is often ridiculously hard. Rest, breathe, and remember you can’t control much, but you can control your attitude.”

So I might as well have a good one.

Please don’t write me off just yet.

Maui Video: Take 2

Here's another movie of our Maui adventures!

Untitled from Paula Findlay on Vimeo.